Five for Friday

© Max Blain | Dreamstime Stock Photos

© Max Blain | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Five things that twomumsy doesn’t do (very often) – but really should!

1 Defuzz
I never ever shave my legs unless I really, really have to! For example, if I am undergoing some form of medical that requires me to expose said legs, or I am going to a swimming pool, which rarely ever happens – but amazingly did so this week. Hallelulah, I hear you cry; and wonder which is indeed the most staggering? Is it that (a) I did indeed shave my legs, or (b) I went to a public swimming pool for the first time in 12 months.
I do shave the pits though, come on, I am not a total neanderthal!

2 Mani/Pedi
Ugly, scary and more often than not sweaty – meet my feet!
Pedicures are only done on a needs-must basis, partly due to the difficulty in locating them due to my more than generous waistline. My feet are not the most attractive of feet. Can feet actually be attractive? I suppose so, if you like that sort of thing! I only unleash mine on the unsuspecting public when I truly have to – on balmy summer days. Of which of course, we have few – or should that be PHEW! I am long overdue a visit to the podiatrist.

3 Pluck/tweeze/thread
Sort out the facial hair situation . . . Quite hairy, and rather scary (bit like the legs really). The brows are rather bushy and unkempt. I blame it on my astigmatism, I can’t see anything without the specs on. I don’t DO contact lenses anymore (but maybe I really should?) In the years post-childbirth the hormones have not been kind to twomumsy, and I now have the beginnings of a lady-tache on the upper lip. Am also starting to sprout a few hairs in the nostril region too. All most unattractive, and unlady like.

Photo: PA

Photo: PA

4 Dye
The barnet, that is! Along with the dog, I am going more and more grey by the day. I blame THE GIRL and THE BOY – they have a lot to answer for. Kids eh, how do they manage to age you so fast, whilst simultaneously still keeping you young at heart?! The colour of my hair is not the only problem, Susan Boyle, eat your heart out! Just call me Frizzy Miss Lizzy. Bad Hair Day? Is there ever a good one?

gokwan5 Get a Stylist
Well, after reading all of the above, is there any point, really? Probably not, but twomumsy could certainly benefit from some serious style advice. Please don’t call Gok Wan – there is no way that twomumsy will be stripping down to her smalls (okay, I admit, not-so smalls) on national TV, not in this life-time! Nor Trinny and Susannah (am showing my age now).

Most of my wardrobe is black, or at least dark, and shapeless – and usually bought at the supermarket, along with the milk, bread and toilet rolls. HELP, please!

No, I am probably beyond any assistance, there is only one thing for it – CALL THE FASHION POLICE!
Guilty, as charged! Throw away the key.

I fear I am a lost cause, forever TOO MUMSY, that’s me – twomumsy.